Readers who have been here since before December will possibly already know this but for those of you who are newer to my blog, last year I was absolutely hammered with postnatal depression and then had a hideously unfair situation to deal with at work THEN both Bob & I were made redundant from our jobs and we set up our own business. The events of the last year have brought me new levels of understanding – particularly of the phrase ‘a rollercoaster of emotions’ – as we’ve had the highest of highs combined with the lowest of lows and finally finally I am able to tell you all that things are going our way.

Two weeks ago I stopped taking my antidepressants because the side effects had become worse than the depression had ever been. I panicked, thinking that I was going to plunge into the depths of doom and gloom again but it never came. I have been second-guessing every reaction – Am I reasonable to be annoyed about the kitchen being untidy or am I overreacting because I’m withdrawing? – and I have been extremely self-conscious about speaking. Yesterday I trotted off to my LOVELY Doctor who said that she’s thrilled with my progress, that she thinks I’m through the worst of any withdrawal and that I am clearly in a better mindset than I was in November. That confirmation that there is really sunshine and happiness in my world was just what I needed.

So this week I have found my joie de vivre again. I have squeezed myself into size 14 clothes for the first time since I was pregnant with Nairn! I have been RUNNING (well… attempting to run, I managed half of the first Couch to 5K running plan), I’ve been walking with Penny regularly and I’ve been sewing & baking again. I am appalled to admit that until this week, I haven’t baked anything this year because honestly, I didn’t have the faculties to. Poor Bob has kept the house running, the children cared for and supported me in every way. He is the awesomest of awesome and I am so very grateful to have him. I’m also grateful to have you guys reading and commenting because it’s really meant a lot to me while I’ve been in such a slump. Onwards and upwards!

I kicked off by making and decorating some little cupcakes for the kids to take to nursery. They’re not the best or prettiest cupcakes in the world but I think they were well appreciated by my bambinos. Would you guys like a tutorial on making these?

I’ve ALSO been making bread for us. I really don’t like white bread – it sticks to my teeth and the roof of my mouth and feels like I’m eating wallpaper paste – so I’ve been making some lovely seeded wholegrain bread which even the children have been eating. There’s nothing quite like your kids’ judgement to make you feel like a domestic goddess (or not!)

I know it doesn’t sound like much but baking and exercising are two little things that have proved to me that I am getting better. I won’t pretend it’s not been a hard slog but I’m making positive strides in the right direction. Let’s see where the next six months take us

Okay – a few weeks ago I did a sewing class for The Life Craft over at my new friend Konnie Kapow‘s place. I did blog it at the time over here and the very first photo on the blog was of cupcakes that the gorgeous Nicole had brought along. Now, I’ve been coveting the classes run by Shikhita of Fair Cake London for a long time but I’ve simply not been able to justify the travel & accommodation costs incurred so when Nicole told me there was a place in Glasgow – Cupcake – that did a cupcake decorating class for only £30. I was sold.

I booked my place on the course, co-erced my friend Vazza into coming along too her friend James joined us. It was a really nice, laid back environment and the shop is just gorgeous. Ish showed us what we’d be working on first and off we went, joyfully rolling and cutting out our little shapes in regalice.

Two hours later, we left with half a dozen cupcakes with our own decoration and you know what? It was loads of fun. I went straight to eBay and bought a variety of cutters from this shop which arrived really impressively quickly and I intend to make a ridiculous amount of fancy cupcakes over the coming years What do you think?

In the end I decided to go with something I remember my Dad liking as a wee treat – the quintessential Scottish treat known as the Macaroon bar. Now, don’t mistake the Macaroon bar for a Macaron – these are polar opposites in the confection world. The Scottish macaroon bar is overwhelmingly sweet, traditionally made from mashed potato (seriously!) and coated in chocolate and toasted coconut. I’d been given a copy of the Maw Broon’s Cookbook for Christmas last year and it has a recipe for Macaroon bars inside. Bonanza! Or so I thought…

Unfortunately the recipe is extremely unspecific, calling for ‘medium-sized potatoes’. I mean, that in itself should have been a warning sign. How do you define a ‘medium-sized potato’?! Anyway, clearly my spuds were too big because despite using almost TRIPLE the amount of icing sugar called for in the recipe my mixture never turned into a dough. Ah well. Instead, we popped into Glickmans which is a fabulous wee shop. It’s the oldest sweetie shop in Glasgow and can be found just down from the Barras on the London Road side. The lovely lady behind the counter suggested that I try their technique which is to use a fondant centre instead of the traditional mashed potato so I shall give that a try next time. Luckily they supplied me with a box of Dad’s favourite chelsea whoppers and a macaroon bar that worked!

So tell me about your crafting or culinary failures! What have you tried that has been a dire mistake?

Of course, no family birthday goes without cake! Unfortunately I was massively pressed for time so asked Bob to remake a cake I’d tried out for Greer’s christening. When I made this, I sliced it up and the entire cake vanished in literally one minute. Gone. And in my mind that’s generally a pretty good sign that it’s good cake. Knowing that Callum isn’t particularly a sweet aficionado, a lemony cake seemed like a good idea and lo! Lemon poppyseed cake it was.

Recipe originally published here

Ingredients
100ml milk
3tbsp poppyseeds
150g butter
150g caster sugar
½tsp vanilla extract
3 eggs separated
150g plain flour
1tsp baking powder
Small pinch salt
1tsp mixed spice
1tbsp finely grated lemon zest

For the topping
70g caster sugar
30ml lemon juice

Heat oven to 180C/Gas 4. Bring the milk to the boil, add the poppy seeds and set aside to cool. Beat the butter, sugar and vanilla together until creamy. Add the egg yolks one at a time, beating well. Fold in the sifted flour, baking powder, salt and mixed spice, then fold in the lemon zest, milk and poppy seeds. Beat the egg whites until peaky, and fold through the mixture.

Pour into a buttered and floured 20cm diameter high-sided cake tin and bake for 40 mins or until an inserted skewer comes out clean.

To make the topping, stir the sugar and lemon juice into a paste. While still hot, brush the cake with the sugar paste, then leave in the tin to cool.

Let me know if you try this – it is ACTUALLY to die for!

You will need:
170ml vegetable oil
300g caster sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
200g walnut pieces, chopped (I did mine through the food processor)
450g carrots (topped, tailed & grated)
300g plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
2 tsp cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 180C/Gas 4, grease & line two sandwich tins. I always use my 8″ round tins.
Beat the eggs and add the oil, sugar and vanilla essence. Sieve the flour, baking powder, bicarb and cinnamon into the liquid and combine before adding the carrots & walnuts. Make sure it’s mixed well then split equally between the tins. Bake for around 40 minutes until your cakes are silent or a skewer comes out clean.

Once the cakes were cooled I iced them using my favourite cream cheese icing.

If you try this, let me know what you think?

Apparently they’re all the rage in Sydney – I’m sure they are! But for me, it was a bit of faffing about for such a small output of goodness. This recipe only makes six admittedly gorgeous muffin-like cakes. My diet is out the window but on the plus side, I only got to eat an extra one since it only makes six! I’m sure it’s easy enough to double this recipe but here in the UK blueberries are quite expensive. Maybe worth substituting raspberries instead?

Let me know if you try them!

My partner in the bake swap was the fabulously talented Sam, who sent me some gorgeous blueberry muffins* made using Apryl’s recipe and let me tell you friends, this is a recipe to die for. I’ve never particularly been a fan of blueberries but these muffins were outstanding. So! I gave the recipe a shot.

As you can see, all of my blueberries sunk through the batter. Not necessarily a bad thing – in fact, I quite like the effect this had but it did mean I needed a fork to eat them or (as the children proved) I’d have been covered in blueberries. I picked up a handy wee tip for next time though – take a tablespoonful of the flour out before it’s added to the batter, put it in a bowl with the blueberries and coat the blueberries by giving the bowl a good stir and shake. THEN stir the blueberries into the mixture – the flour will hold them in position.

Try them – they’re amazing!

* My bake swap package arrived when Amanda and Kirsty were visiting, I left the tub in the living room and Erica, Maia & Jamie raided it! Little horrors!

WELL.

My favourite favourite piece of posh totty, Mr Valentine Warner, has been appearing in the BBC’s series What To Eat Now and in a recent episode he showed off a recipe for little lavender meringues, affectionately called “Fairy Tits”. With a name like that, I just had to try them

The recipe is available on the BBC website here. The astute amongst you will notice that my meringues are not lavender coloured – they’re actually pink. I like pink better than I like lavender and I’m not terribly great at making my own colour palette I also skipped the real lavender because Erica destroyed my lavender bush in a fit of pique a few months ago but other than that this recipe was excellent and helped me produce my first proper meringues. I also didn’t pipe them after my exploding piping bag incident, merely scooping teaspoonfuls onto the greaseproof paper. These are intended to be teeny tiny, so even my teaspoonfuls were too big and that is a lesson learned for next time.

Thanks Valentine!

Findlay says, “It wasn’t me…”

Nairn denies all knowledge

Erica looks at the camera and shouts, “CHEEEEESE”

Whilst Greer looks cute

So in the meantime I’m afraid you’ll need to make do with photos from my phone. Luckily we have now located said memory card so when I’ve blogged up the camera photos we should be back to normal service. Well, I say normal because knowing my terrible children and messy house I don’t doubt that something else will go missing soon!

Anyway. Today I’m going to show you another wee taste of my childhood. My Nana and Grampa are children of the war era and so had a fantastic ability to eke dinner out on a budget. As classic Scottish weans* we’d get mince an’ tatties and if we ate all that, we might get bread an’ butter pudding after. What a treat that was! As I was the eldest grandchild it was my job to help my Nana and I can remember standing on a stool at her kitchen sink when I was probably about Findlay’s age, peeling potatoes and turnips and being allowed to help bake in return.

Thus, I decided last week that my kids should have some bread an’ butter pudding. Admittedly this was influenced in part because we were skint and had very little food in the house, and in part because I had about 20 million eggs needing used up! Nana always told me to use bread that was a little past it’s best, but bread doesn’t get a chance to go stale in my house so I used an outsider on the bottom layer.

You will need:
6 slices of bread
Butter
Raisins
Cinnamon and/or nutmeg to taste
2 egg yolks
2 tbsps sugar
3/4 pint milk (or more if it’s not enough to cover your bread)

Preheat your oven to gas mark 5 (375F). Butter the dish you’re using to make your pudding in, then butter the slices of bread and cut them diagonally in half. Cover the bottom of the dish with bread slices then sprinkle over a small handful of raisins. I really like cinnamon so at this point I sprinkle a teaspoonful of cinnamon over the top but I know my Nana prefers nutmeg – do whichever suits best or leave it out altogether. Repeat this layering again before topping off the dish with bread. Do NOT put raisins on the top of your dish because they’ll burn in the oven, and nobody likes a burnt raisin.
In a saucepan, mix your milk and sugar together and heat until the milk mixture is bubbling. Make sure you stir regularly to help the sugar dissolve and ensure it doesn’t stick to the bottom of the pan but be careful not to let the milk boil. Beat the egg yolk quickly in a jug then add the milk, whisking gently to combine. Pour the mixture back into the pan through a sieve and simmer for five minutes, stirring regularly. Pour over the bread slices and leave for at least half an hour, gently pushing the bread into the custard occasionally before sprinkling the top with the brown sugar and cinnamon. Pop in the oven for half an hour until the top is a golden brown colour. Serve with custard or vanilla ice cream.

*Wean means child, literally “wee ‘ane” or “wee yin” meaning “little one”. You’re a wean until yir Granny tells ye itherwise!

These spread a little more than I was expecting so they’re not the neatest. Bear this in mind when you’re baking these! Next time I’ll split them between two cookie sheets.

You will need:
100g of butter, softened
100g light brown sugar
1 tbsp golden syrup
150g self raising flour
100g peanut butter M&Ms (I bought these on eBay)

Preheat the oven to 180C/Gas 4. Beat the butter and sugar together until light and creamy, then beat in the syrup. Add roughly half the flour and mix until combined, then add the rest of the flour with the M&Ms. Get in with your fingers and make sure the M&Ms are evenly mixed in. Divide into 14 balls (or more if you prefer a smaller cookie) and place onto baking sheets lined with greaseproof paper. Bake for 12-15 minutes until light brown around the edges. Place on a wire rack to cool.